Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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