You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
