Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
