If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
