i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
