coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
