I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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