You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
