Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
