Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
