she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
