I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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