how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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