I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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