i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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