just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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