She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
