i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
