Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
