singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
