I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
