Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
