i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
