so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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