another moral hangover. fuck.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
