Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
