she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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