i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
