You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
3pm strippers are depressing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
