I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
