I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
