he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
