he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
