plz talk dirty to me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
