i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You're a waste of cheezeits
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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