Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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