in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
