I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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