What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
