I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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