lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
