Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We talked him into tasing himself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
