Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
