just come out here and I will go home with you...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
