i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
