I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
