Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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