dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
