Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
