i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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