i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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