Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
