we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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