On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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